Friday, April 30, 2004
Envy
A movie starring Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Christopher Walken, and an invention called the Vapoo rizer sounds like it would be hilarious. Jack and Ben are best friends, who are also neighbors and co-workers. Jack is a dreamer. Inspired while watching a man cleaning up after his big dog does its business on the lawn, Jack decides to invent a product to dispose of the mess effortlessly. Ben refuses to invest in this hair-brain scheme, which happens to become a huge success. Ben becomes jealous with envy and nonsense ensues.
An economy-size can of Vapoo rizer is needed for this big stinker. The film is more agony than funny.
Alien gives it ½ of a black star out of 4.
A movie starring Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Christopher Walken, and an invention called the Vapoo rizer sounds like it would be hilarious. Jack and Ben are best friends, who are also neighbors and co-workers. Jack is a dreamer. Inspired while watching a man cleaning up after his big dog does its business on the lawn, Jack decides to invent a product to dispose of the mess effortlessly. Ben refuses to invest in this hair-brain scheme, which happens to become a huge success. Ben becomes jealous with envy and nonsense ensues.
An economy-size can of Vapoo rizer is needed for this big stinker. The film is more agony than funny.
Alien gives it ½ of a black star out of 4.
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Laws of Attraction
"Laws of Attraction" starring Pierce Brosnan and Jullianne Moore... need I say any more, this alone screams romantic comedy. Two opposing divorce attorneys come together in and out of the court room. No real surprises here, except for one pleasant change of venue. The movie is about divorce and fighting to save relationships.
So if you think your relationship might need saving, take your spouse/mate/partner/love one to this funny and charming film. This one may just be your guilty pleasure.
Alien gives it 3 romantic shimmering stars out of 4.
"Laws of Attraction" starring Pierce Brosnan and Jullianne Moore... need I say any more, this alone screams romantic comedy. Two opposing divorce attorneys come together in and out of the court room. No real surprises here, except for one pleasant change of venue. The movie is about divorce and fighting to save relationships.
So if you think your relationship might need saving, take your spouse/mate/partner/love one to this funny and charming film. This one may just be your guilty pleasure.
Alien gives it 3 romantic shimmering stars out of 4.
Monday, April 26, 2004
Mean Girls
Don't you remember that girl in high school who was so mean that you wanted to see her hit by a bus? Well, "Mean Girls" takes you back to high school for that experience, but don't judge a book by its cover. What seems like just another dumb teenage movie is actually a very smart and funny story.
It is "Saturday Night Live" High with Lorne Michaels producing, Tina Fey screen writing, and several SNL cast members co-starring... except it's much funnier.
Although the story lines are very predictible, it is still a hilarious back-to-school visit. The movie's premise takes a 16-year-old girl to school for the first time... because she was home-schooled by her parents in Africa until they move back to the US. Being socially naive and trying to fit in, she quickly gets educated in high school cliques 101 and ends up with the popular girls, who are labelled the "Plastics". The movie is about being seduced by peer pressure and awkwardly trying to find one's self.
Alien gives it 3 gold stars out of 4.
Don't you remember that girl in high school who was so mean that you wanted to see her hit by a bus? Well, "Mean Girls" takes you back to high school for that experience, but don't judge a book by its cover. What seems like just another dumb teenage movie is actually a very smart and funny story.
It is "Saturday Night Live" High with Lorne Michaels producing, Tina Fey screen writing, and several SNL cast members co-starring... except it's much funnier.
Although the story lines are very predictible, it is still a hilarious back-to-school visit. The movie's premise takes a 16-year-old girl to school for the first time... because she was home-schooled by her parents in Africa until they move back to the US. Being socially naive and trying to fit in, she quickly gets educated in high school cliques 101 and ends up with the popular girls, who are labelled the "Plastics". The movie is about being seduced by peer pressure and awkwardly trying to find one's self.
Alien gives it 3 gold stars out of 4.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Man on Fire
Watch out, Denzel is back on the big screen as a "Man on Fire". If you cross him, you'll get burned.
Denzel Washington turns in another great performance as a washed-up ex-government operative turned bodyguard who drinks too much. Also outstanding is Dakota Fanning, co-starring as the kidnap target. She is charming, adorable, and wiser than her age. She melts the hearts of the audience as well as Denzel's.
Set in Mexico City, the film has the feel of "City of God", which used Rio de Janeiro as its backdrop. The movie is edgy, gritty, and intense.
What does "Man on Fire" have in common with "Walking Tall", "Kill Bill Volume 2", and "The Punisher", all released earlier this month? The following is found in 2 or more of those movies: the saying - revenge is best served cold; a wife who wants them all killed; battling enemies in their night clubs; and a suicidal hero.
"Man on Fire" is no comic book story. It has real characters with depth and personality. The police are present throughout the film, but Denzel does the job they cannot. Denzel is the punisher without mercy. He, too, secures a whole arsenal of weapons and knows how to use them. He has his revenge list and vows to kill his "Bill". But he is mortal too, he doesn't bounce right back after each injury. He is human, a lost soul who finds himself again through the love of a little girl.
This movie is rated R for strong language, extreme violence, and sadistic torture.
Honorable mention should be noted for the film's effective and clever subtitling during certain intense scenes.
Alien gives it 3 ½ blazing stars out of 4.
Watch out, Denzel is back on the big screen as a "Man on Fire". If you cross him, you'll get burned.
Denzel Washington turns in another great performance as a washed-up ex-government operative turned bodyguard who drinks too much. Also outstanding is Dakota Fanning, co-starring as the kidnap target. She is charming, adorable, and wiser than her age. She melts the hearts of the audience as well as Denzel's.
Set in Mexico City, the film has the feel of "City of God", which used Rio de Janeiro as its backdrop. The movie is edgy, gritty, and intense.
What does "Man on Fire" have in common with "Walking Tall", "Kill Bill Volume 2", and "The Punisher", all released earlier this month? The following is found in 2 or more of those movies: the saying - revenge is best served cold; a wife who wants them all killed; battling enemies in their night clubs; and a suicidal hero.
"Man on Fire" is no comic book story. It has real characters with depth and personality. The police are present throughout the film, but Denzel does the job they cannot. Denzel is the punisher without mercy. He, too, secures a whole arsenal of weapons and knows how to use them. He has his revenge list and vows to kill his "Bill". But he is mortal too, he doesn't bounce right back after each injury. He is human, a lost soul who finds himself again through the love of a little girl.
This movie is rated R for strong language, extreme violence, and sadistic torture.
Honorable mention should be noted for the film's effective and clever subtitling during certain intense scenes.
Alien gives it 3 ½ blazing stars out of 4.
Friday, April 16, 2004
The Punisher
Another Marvel Comics character arrives on the big screen. Frank Castle has no super powers, but he is smart and has an endless arsenal of weapons. This ex-cop has his entire family killed by an evil crime boss named Saint (John Travolta).
Suspend any thoughts of realism. The police are practically invisible throughout the movie. Although severly beaten, stabbed, and shot throughout the movie, the hero keeps coming back. Get ready to cheer for the hero and see the bad guys pay dearly. Rated R for a little nudity and language... and for a lot of violence. However, some of extreme violence is balanced with nice touches of humor and wit. One big fight scene is correographed to Italian opera music where nothing goes as planned. The funniest scenes involve Frank's new neighbors: one who enjoys piercings, one who loves cooking, and, of course, the pretty blond. This action movies has a few visual surprises for the audience.
It is not a story about revenge... it's about punishment.
Alien gives it 3 cosmic stars out of 4.
Another Marvel Comics character arrives on the big screen. Frank Castle has no super powers, but he is smart and has an endless arsenal of weapons. This ex-cop has his entire family killed by an evil crime boss named Saint (John Travolta).
Suspend any thoughts of realism. The police are practically invisible throughout the movie. Although severly beaten, stabbed, and shot throughout the movie, the hero keeps coming back. Get ready to cheer for the hero and see the bad guys pay dearly. Rated R for a little nudity and language... and for a lot of violence. However, some of extreme violence is balanced with nice touches of humor and wit. One big fight scene is correographed to Italian opera music where nothing goes as planned. The funniest scenes involve Frank's new neighbors: one who enjoys piercings, one who loves cooking, and, of course, the pretty blond. This action movies has a few visual surprises for the audience.
It is not a story about revenge... it's about punishment.
Alien gives it 3 cosmic stars out of 4.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Kill Bill, Volume 2
Alien really loved Volume 1 and would have given it 3½ stars out of 4. It was an action-packed, humorous homage to the spaghetti westerns, samurai, and kung fu movies that Quentin Tarantino enjoyed. It was filled with vivid sights and sounds that delighted the senses. For Volume 2, Alien expected more of the same.
Volume 2 may better be described as "Standstill Bill" or "Slow Joe". The movie does a good job of explaining the relationships between all of the characters as well as the how and why the Massacre at Two Pines began. However, it takes over an hour to get to any significant action scenes. Most of my favorite villains were killed off in Volume 1, which had at least 4 great fight-to-the-death sequences. Volume 2 has it best action duel in the confines of a narrow trailer. The master/student training scenes are funny, but even funnier if you understand Cantonese.
Quentin should have taken one of the famous Hattori Hanzo swords and slash Volume 2 down to one hour and append it to Volume 1, making it the single movie it was meant to be.
Alien gives Kill Bill, Volume 2 just 2 twinkling stars out of 4.
Alien really loved Volume 1 and would have given it 3½ stars out of 4. It was an action-packed, humorous homage to the spaghetti westerns, samurai, and kung fu movies that Quentin Tarantino enjoyed. It was filled with vivid sights and sounds that delighted the senses. For Volume 2, Alien expected more of the same.
Volume 2 may better be described as "Standstill Bill" or "Slow Joe". The movie does a good job of explaining the relationships between all of the characters as well as the how and why the Massacre at Two Pines began. However, it takes over an hour to get to any significant action scenes. Most of my favorite villains were killed off in Volume 1, which had at least 4 great fight-to-the-death sequences. Volume 2 has it best action duel in the confines of a narrow trailer. The master/student training scenes are funny, but even funnier if you understand Cantonese.
Quentin should have taken one of the famous Hattori Hanzo swords and slash Volume 2 down to one hour and append it to Volume 1, making it the single movie it was meant to be.
Alien gives Kill Bill, Volume 2 just 2 twinkling stars out of 4.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Johnson Family Vacation
This movie is about a cross-country road trip to a big family reunion. With a good cast, it is as funny as most half hour TV situation comedies.
Unfortunately, the movie runs about 100 minutes long. Like some road trips, it turns out to be too long and boring. Like some family reunions, it has its share of annoying characters.
Cedric, I kept waiting for you to be entertaining. Vanessa Williams, have Arnold erase this one. Bow Wow, your name says it all. The most interesting character in the film is the Lincoln Navigator.
Like any big vacation trip, I had high expectations before the start. However, I was disappointed. It is not so much a bad film, just not a good film.
Alien can't recommend this trip. I can only give this movie 1½ dwarf stars out of 4.
This movie is about a cross-country road trip to a big family reunion. With a good cast, it is as funny as most half hour TV situation comedies.
Unfortunately, the movie runs about 100 minutes long. Like some road trips, it turns out to be too long and boring. Like some family reunions, it has its share of annoying characters.
Cedric, I kept waiting for you to be entertaining. Vanessa Williams, have Arnold erase this one. Bow Wow, your name says it all. The most interesting character in the film is the Lincoln Navigator.
Like any big vacation trip, I had high expectations before the start. However, I was disappointed. It is not so much a bad film, just not a good film.
Alien can't recommend this trip. I can only give this movie 1½ dwarf stars out of 4.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Hellboy
Sit down and buckle up for a wild ride.
The movie begins by asking "what makes a man?" Then it introduces you to such an odd array of characters such as a red giant with horns, a tail, and an oversized right hand, a fish/man, a pryo-kinetic person, a beast that never seems to die, a deadly assassin that doesn't bleed, and Rasputin, the mad monk. It's X-Files meets X-men. It's got Nazis, a clandestine government organization, and portals to another world or dimension. The movie mixes computer graphics with models, matte paintings, and prosthetics to create a comic book world. It is fresh and witty. It has a love story too.
Ron Perlman does a great job as Hellboy making him very human underneath all that red makeup.
Wow. When it's over, you'll want to see it again.
Alien gives it 3 ½ supernova stars out of 4.
Sit down and buckle up for a wild ride.
The movie begins by asking "what makes a man?" Then it introduces you to such an odd array of characters such as a red giant with horns, a tail, and an oversized right hand, a fish/man, a pryo-kinetic person, a beast that never seems to die, a deadly assassin that doesn't bleed, and Rasputin, the mad monk. It's X-Files meets X-men. It's got Nazis, a clandestine government organization, and portals to another world or dimension. The movie mixes computer graphics with models, matte paintings, and prosthetics to create a comic book world. It is fresh and witty. It has a love story too.
Ron Perlman does a great job as Hellboy making him very human underneath all that red makeup.
Wow. When it's over, you'll want to see it again.
Alien gives it 3 ½ supernova stars out of 4.
Walking Tall
"Inspired by a true story"... and a remake of a 1973 movie, 2 movie sequels and a tv series, except the story moves from the South to the Northwest and the hero's name changes from Buford Pusser to Chis Vaughn.
Starring: The Rock... need I say any more.
Ok, I will. If you love the Rock, you'll love the movie. But nothing new here. It's the good guy verses the bad guys, trying to get justice even if he has to bend the rules. It's Rambo/Dirty Harry fighting against corruption and drugs with a comic sidekick and a love interest who is dressed in a pink bra throughout the big gun battle. Forgoing usual computer-generated special effects, the action sequences are mostly intense hand-to-hand or 4x4 lumber combat. Pure escapism, check your brain at the door.
I'm a sucker for "vigilante justice " stories, so Alien gives it 2 ½ cosmic stars out of 4.
"Inspired by a true story"... and a remake of a 1973 movie, 2 movie sequels and a tv series, except the story moves from the South to the Northwest and the hero's name changes from Buford Pusser to Chis Vaughn.
Starring: The Rock... need I say any more.
Ok, I will. If you love the Rock, you'll love the movie. But nothing new here. It's the good guy verses the bad guys, trying to get justice even if he has to bend the rules. It's Rambo/Dirty Harry fighting against corruption and drugs with a comic sidekick and a love interest who is dressed in a pink bra throughout the big gun battle. Forgoing usual computer-generated special effects, the action sequences are mostly intense hand-to-hand or 4x4 lumber combat. Pure escapism, check your brain at the door.
I'm a sucker for "vigilante justice " stories, so Alien gives it 2 ½ cosmic stars out of 4.
The Ladykillers
Hanks, heist, dark comedy.
Tom Hanks has another stellar performance. Hanks does his best impression of Colonel Sanders with the giggles. In this dark comedy about the perfect casino heist with the usual stumbles and mumbles along the way, a band of mifits learn that crime never pays. In this gang of unlikely partners in crime are the charlatan professor, the lumox, gangsta from the hood, the assassin/tunneler, and the explosives expert. Animal actors include a raven and a cat named Pickles.
A hilarious story of how to pull the perfect crime and not profit from it.
A remake of a 1955 English movie, it is reset in New Orleans. The clever use of garbage scows demonstrates that timing is everything in comedy.
Rated R for language.
Alien gives it 3 ½ astral stars out of 4.
Hanks, heist, dark comedy.
Tom Hanks has another stellar performance. Hanks does his best impression of Colonel Sanders with the giggles. In this dark comedy about the perfect casino heist with the usual stumbles and mumbles along the way, a band of mifits learn that crime never pays. In this gang of unlikely partners in crime are the charlatan professor, the lumox, gangsta from the hood, the assassin/tunneler, and the explosives expert. Animal actors include a raven and a cat named Pickles.
A hilarious story of how to pull the perfect crime and not profit from it.
A remake of a 1955 English movie, it is reset in New Orleans. The clever use of garbage scows demonstrates that timing is everything in comedy.
Rated R for language.
Alien gives it 3 ½ astral stars out of 4.
