Friday, March 31, 2006
Slither
Small town America is invaded by alien life forms who seek to conquer the world in 1950’s sci-fi movie style. Be wary if an overabundant number of missing pet notices go up on the town’s telephone poles. It is a classic monster movie spoof played straight up for laughs. If you like blood and gore, zombies and creepy crawlies, and the gross and the unusual, you may enjoy this scary movie meant to be laughed at. You can’t go in taking this one seriously. It is rated “R” for violence, gore, and language (deliberately overused for laughs). This film is definitely not for everyone, but if you are in just the right mood… Stay seated until the end of the credits for the classic horror movie ending (meow).
Alien gives it 2 ½ “big fat slug” stars out of 4.
Small town America is invaded by alien life forms who seek to conquer the world in 1950’s sci-fi movie style. Be wary if an overabundant number of missing pet notices go up on the town’s telephone poles. It is a classic monster movie spoof played straight up for laughs. If you like blood and gore, zombies and creepy crawlies, and the gross and the unusual, you may enjoy this scary movie meant to be laughed at. You can’t go in taking this one seriously. It is rated “R” for violence, gore, and language (deliberately overused for laughs). This film is definitely not for everyone, but if you are in just the right mood… Stay seated until the end of the credits for the classic horror movie ending (meow).
Alien gives it 2 ½ “big fat slug” stars out of 4.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Inside Man
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
This cops and robbers movie is all about deceit. It has an all star cast, including Denzel Washington, Jodie Foster, Clive Owen, Christopher Plummer, and Willhem Dafoe. Foster’s talents are underutilized. Alien could not develop any chemistry with any of the characters to care about them. Director Spike Lee toys with the audience, just as the bank robbers toy with the police. The film feels like it drags on too long and has more fake action than the real stuff. It is more flash than substance. The background music should be relatively unnoticeable and, at times, it didn’t even seem to fit the scenes. In the end, the story was all too simple for all of the hype. Alien was disappointed.
Alien gives it 1 ½ “can’t get no satisfaction” stars out of 4.
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
This cops and robbers movie is all about deceit. It has an all star cast, including Denzel Washington, Jodie Foster, Clive Owen, Christopher Plummer, and Willhem Dafoe. Foster’s talents are underutilized. Alien could not develop any chemistry with any of the characters to care about them. Director Spike Lee toys with the audience, just as the bank robbers toy with the police. The film feels like it drags on too long and has more fake action than the real stuff. It is more flash than substance. The background music should be relatively unnoticeable and, at times, it didn’t even seem to fit the scenes. In the end, the story was all too simple for all of the hype. Alien was disappointed.
Alien gives it 1 ½ “can’t get no satisfaction” stars out of 4.
Take the Lead
It’s “Shall We Dance” meets the “Breakfast Club” meets “Stand and Deliver” in this movie was inspired by a true story. A ballroom dance instructor (Antonio Banderas) takes an interest in some detention students. In order to attract the younger audience, the film tries to blend the music and dance steps of classic ballroom style with today’s hip hop and rap. The story is contrived, but still entertaining to watch. The movie would have played better if the young actors were better dancers.
Alien gives it 2 ½ “slow, slow, quick, quick” stars out of 4.
It’s “Shall We Dance” meets the “Breakfast Club” meets “Stand and Deliver” in this movie was inspired by a true story. A ballroom dance instructor (Antonio Banderas) takes an interest in some detention students. In order to attract the younger audience, the film tries to blend the music and dance steps of classic ballroom style with today’s hip hop and rap. The story is contrived, but still entertaining to watch. The movie would have played better if the young actors were better dancers.
Alien gives it 2 ½ “slow, slow, quick, quick” stars out of 4.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Greece: Secrets of the Past
A sweeping archeological journey back in time, the film sets out on a quest to uncover the buried secrets of one of the world's most enlightened societies -- ancient Greece during the Golden Age.
Alien was unable to attend this preview, but sent one of his review trainees to this IMAX movie. The trainee really unenjoyed the visuals and the history lesson. The trainee gives it 3 ½ stars out of 4.
A sweeping archeological journey back in time, the film sets out on a quest to uncover the buried secrets of one of the world's most enlightened societies -- ancient Greece during the Golden Age.
Alien was unable to attend this preview, but sent one of his review trainees to this IMAX movie. The trainee really unenjoyed the visuals and the history lesson. The trainee gives it 3 ½ stars out of 4.
Ice Age: The Meltdown
It’s Looney Tunes meets the water slide park meets a Busby Berkeley musical meets Noah’s Ark in the slushy return of Manny, Diego, and Sid. Global warming threatens to flood the prehistoric critters out of their valley. Scrat, the acorn-loving squirrel, steals the show, but the “possums”, two brothers (Crash and Eddie) along with their mixed-up sister (Ellie) are hilarious too. It is a fun story of friendship, loyalty, and finding yourself. This is great entertainment for the entire family, both the young and old. Alien liked this sequel better than the original.
Alien gives it 3 ½ “on the brink of extinction” stars out of 4.
It’s Looney Tunes meets the water slide park meets a Busby Berkeley musical meets Noah’s Ark in the slushy return of Manny, Diego, and Sid. Global warming threatens to flood the prehistoric critters out of their valley. Scrat, the acorn-loving squirrel, steals the show, but the “possums”, two brothers (Crash and Eddie) along with their mixed-up sister (Ellie) are hilarious too. It is a fun story of friendship, loyalty, and finding yourself. This is great entertainment for the entire family, both the young and old. Alien liked this sequel better than the original.
Alien gives it 3 ½ “on the brink of extinction” stars out of 4.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story
This is not a sneak preview. This movie has already released.
This is a movie about making a movie about a book about the life of a character named Tristram Shandy. It’s “Seinfeld”, a show about nothing, but without the humor or maybe it’s just British humor. It’s is mostly a series of conversations by movie makers which digress and make no point. There seems to be some kind of joke going on here, but Alien didn’t get it. Alien found this film rather boring, though some critics just rave about it. Alien did enjoy the beautiful English backdrop.
Alien gives it 1 “emperor’s new clothes” star out of 4.
This is not a sneak preview. This movie has already released.
This is a movie about making a movie about a book about the life of a character named Tristram Shandy. It’s “Seinfeld”, a show about nothing, but without the humor or maybe it’s just British humor. It’s is mostly a series of conversations by movie makers which digress and make no point. There seems to be some kind of joke going on here, but Alien didn’t get it. Alien found this film rather boring, though some critics just rave about it. Alien did enjoy the beautiful English backdrop.
Alien gives it 1 “emperor’s new clothes” star out of 4.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Find Me Guilty
It’s “Law and Order” meets the “Sopranos” meets “Seinfeld” in this drama/comedy based on the real life of “Fat Jack” DiNorscio and the longest criminal trial of its time. Twenty members of the New Jersey Lucchese crime family are brought to court on 76 various criminal charges. Vin Diesel is impressive as the lovable mobster. Acting as his own attorney, Jack’s defense sounds more like a standup comedian’s monologue. The movie has its funny moments, but like the trial it runs a bit long. This film is rated “R” for strong language and some violence.
Alien gives it 2 “funny using dialogue from the trial transcript” stars out of 4.
It’s “Law and Order” meets the “Sopranos” meets “Seinfeld” in this drama/comedy based on the real life of “Fat Jack” DiNorscio and the longest criminal trial of its time. Twenty members of the New Jersey Lucchese crime family are brought to court on 76 various criminal charges. Vin Diesel is impressive as the lovable mobster. Acting as his own attorney, Jack’s defense sounds more like a standup comedian’s monologue. The movie has its funny moments, but like the trial it runs a bit long. This film is rated “R” for strong language and some violence.
Alien gives it 2 “funny using dialogue from the trial transcript” stars out of 4.
Monday, March 13, 2006
V For Vendetta
It’s “1984” meets “Zorro” meets “Phantom of the Opera” meets “Count of Monte Cristo” in a bleak futuristic peek at a world fearful of terrorism, viral epidemics, and ecological poisonings. The world is in decline and the British government controls how its citizens think (think Third Reich), but one masked man, code name V (Hugo Weaving), stands up against this tyranny and oppression. He encourages the people and a meek young girl, Evey (Natalie Portman), to not be complacent, but does he want to save the people or does he have his own personal vendetta. It is a powerful and thought provoking film that questions the whether it should be government for the people or by the people. Expect strong violence in this "R" rated film.
Alien gives it 3 ½ “remember, remember the Fifth of November” stars out of 4.
It’s “1984” meets “Zorro” meets “Phantom of the Opera” meets “Count of Monte Cristo” in a bleak futuristic peek at a world fearful of terrorism, viral epidemics, and ecological poisonings. The world is in decline and the British government controls how its citizens think (think Third Reich), but one masked man, code name V (Hugo Weaving), stands up against this tyranny and oppression. He encourages the people and a meek young girl, Evey (Natalie Portman), to not be complacent, but does he want to save the people or does he have his own personal vendetta. It is a powerful and thought provoking film that questions the whether it should be government for the people or by the people. Expect strong violence in this "R" rated film.
Alien gives it 3 ½ “remember, remember the Fifth of November” stars out of 4.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Mrs. Henderson Presents
This is not a sneak preview. This movie has already released.
Based on a true story, Dame Judith Dench plays a rich eccentric widow looking for a hobby after her husband's death. She gives up on embroidery and charity work, but finally decides to buy a rundown theater in London’s West End. Bob Hoskins is hired as the theater manager. After some initial success with continuous vaudeville shows, the theater attendance declines. To save the theater, nudity is added to the revue show to boost attendance, but then Hitler happens. It’s a charming story about these theater people struggling to make ends during difficult times. Rated “R” for some language and full frontal nudity, but it is tactfully handled.
Alien gives it 2 ½ “V for Victory” stars out of 4.
This is not a sneak preview. This movie has already released.
Based on a true story, Dame Judith Dench plays a rich eccentric widow looking for a hobby after her husband's death. She gives up on embroidery and charity work, but finally decides to buy a rundown theater in London’s West End. Bob Hoskins is hired as the theater manager. After some initial success with continuous vaudeville shows, the theater attendance declines. To save the theater, nudity is added to the revue show to boost attendance, but then Hitler happens. It’s a charming story about these theater people struggling to make ends during difficult times. Rated “R” for some language and full frontal nudity, but it is tactfully handled.
Alien gives it 2 ½ “V for Victory” stars out of 4.
The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
This is not a sneak preview. This movie has already released.
Tommy Lee Jones stars in and directs this modern day western set in a Texas border town. A friend gets killed, a promise must be kept, and a journey begins, taking two men and a corpse to Mexico. See what drives the lonely lives of the film’s characters isolated in this desolate region.
Alien gives it 2 “border crossing” stars out of 4.
This is not a sneak preview. This movie has already released.
Tommy Lee Jones stars in and directs this modern day western set in a Texas border town. A friend gets killed, a promise must be kept, and a journey begins, taking two men and a corpse to Mexico. See what drives the lonely lives of the film’s characters isolated in this desolate region.
Alien gives it 2 “border crossing” stars out of 4.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Dave Chappelle’s Block Party
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
This is more of a documentary about putting together a free music/comedy event than a movie. Follow Dave Chappelle as he invites his hometown locals and internet users to a secret block party held in Brooklyn. If you are really into rap, you’ll probably enjoy this one. Guest performers include Kanye West, Mos Def, Erykah Badu, and Lauryn Hill. These performers create quite a bit of energy amongst the crowd. Although Alien was entertained by the interactions of these creative artists, Alien still couldn’t make out most of the rap lyrics except for the frequent swear words.
Alien gives it 2 “old to appreciate” stars out of 4.
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
This is more of a documentary about putting together a free music/comedy event than a movie. Follow Dave Chappelle as he invites his hometown locals and internet users to a secret block party held in Brooklyn. If you are really into rap, you’ll probably enjoy this one. Guest performers include Kanye West, Mos Def, Erykah Badu, and Lauryn Hill. These performers create quite a bit of energy amongst the crowd. Although Alien was entertained by the interactions of these creative artists, Alien still couldn’t make out most of the rap lyrics except for the frequent swear words.
Alien gives it 2 “old to appreciate” stars out of 4.
UltraViolet
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
It’s “Aeon Flux” meets “Tron” meets the “Transporter” meets “Alias” meets “Blade” meets “The Matrix” meets “Kill Bill” meets “Aviator” in this sci-fi action flick about hemophages (vampires without the blood sucking) and humans fighting over a biological weapon. Milla Jovovich stars as the ultra warrior named Violet, who changes her coloring like a chameleon and materializes weapons out of thin air. This comic book/video game type movie is pretty silly and can best be appreciated if viewed as high camp. It’s all flash and no substance. It’s just trying to be pretty to look at.
Alien gives it 2 “Rainbow Bright” stars out of 4.
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
It’s “Aeon Flux” meets “Tron” meets the “Transporter” meets “Alias” meets “Blade” meets “The Matrix” meets “Kill Bill” meets “Aviator” in this sci-fi action flick about hemophages (vampires without the blood sucking) and humans fighting over a biological weapon. Milla Jovovich stars as the ultra warrior named Violet, who changes her coloring like a chameleon and materializes weapons out of thin air. This comic book/video game type movie is pretty silly and can best be appreciated if viewed as high camp. It’s all flash and no substance. It’s just trying to be pretty to look at.
Alien gives it 2 “Rainbow Bright” stars out of 4.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
The Hills Have Eyes
It’s “Devil’s Rejects” meets “The Hulk” meets “Breakdown” meets “Hostel” in this horror movie remake. Alien has never seen the original movie of the same name, but why would Wes Craven redo his own 1977 film?
A family of seven with two dogs and two birds get some bad advice and end up stranded and stalked by atomic test blast mutants. If you love guts and gore, murder and mayhem, as well as dismemberment and cannibalism, you may enjoy this genetically altered version of Survivor: New Mexico Desert (but, surprisingly, is actually Moroco). If not your cup of tea, you better skip this tale of how I spent my summer vacation with a nuclear family.
Alien gives it 2 “pick axe and shotgun” stars out of 4.
It’s “Devil’s Rejects” meets “The Hulk” meets “Breakdown” meets “Hostel” in this horror movie remake. Alien has never seen the original movie of the same name, but why would Wes Craven redo his own 1977 film?
A family of seven with two dogs and two birds get some bad advice and end up stranded and stalked by atomic test blast mutants. If you love guts and gore, murder and mayhem, as well as dismemberment and cannibalism, you may enjoy this genetically altered version of Survivor: New Mexico Desert (but, surprisingly, is actually Moroco). If not your cup of tea, you better skip this tale of how I spent my summer vacation with a nuclear family.
Alien gives it 2 “pick axe and shotgun” stars out of 4.
