Alien at the Movies

Evil Dead Rise

After an earthquake, a boy uncovers a book & 3 records that unleashes flesh possessing demons upon their family & the other apartment tenants. If you like bloody gory terror that never seems to die & keeps coming after you, you might enjoy yourself here. To be truthful, I️’m not a big horror fan & haven’t seen any of this franchise. This one is for the blood thirsty horror thrill seekers.

Alien gives it 2 “chainsaws & woodchippers” stars out of 4.

The Covenant

During the Afghan War, Sgt. John Kinley (Jake Gyllenhaal) & his team are on the hunt to locate & destroy Taliban bomb making facilities. He has a new interpreter Ahmed (Dar Salim) to help navigate through this foreign land & hostile territory. His team gets ambushed on their latest mission. Ahmed must rescue Kinley & return him safely to base camp. After a long recovery stateside, Kinley learns that Ahmed is now wanted by the Taliban & has gone into hiding with his family. Owing his life to Ahmed, Kinley privately returns to Afghanistan to find Ahmed before the Taliban does, & secure special visas for Ahmed & his family. Directed & written by Guy Ritchie, this is an intense action war thriller about men developing a bond & going above & beyond the call of duty.

Alien gives it 3 “33B1 JTAC” stars out of 4.

Quasi

This is a lame raunchy satirical unfunny comedy about the hunchback Quasimodo from the bell tower who is caught in the middle of a murderous feud between the Pope & the King of France when each orders the hunchback to kill the other. It’s awful writing using sophomoric jokes that typically will only appeal to junior high boys. It’s terrible acting. I️ wouldn’t waste my time with this one.

Alien gives it ½  “The Rack” star out of 4.

Somewhere in Queens

Producer/writer/director/star Ray Romano tells a story about a man experiencing a midlife crises in this comedy/drama. Leo & Angela Russo (Romano & Laurie Metcalf) are blue collar workers in an overbearing Italian-American family. When their son’s life-changing opportunity is jeopardized, Leo risks everything to help, but possibly tearing the family apart. This one is about love, life, family, & the choices you make. Romano adds his nervous energy & sense of humor to the story, but things take a serious turn as a man’s insecurities & love take over. This one may surprise you.

Alien gives it 3 “Versailles Palace” stars out of 4.

Chevalier 

In Paris on the eve of the French Revolution, Queen Marie Antoinette dubs Joseph Bologna (Kelvin Harrison Jr) the Chevalier de Saint-George due his mastery of the sword & maestro of the bow. Joseph is the negro bastard son of a French plantation owner & an African servant but is afforded a proper education due to his father’s urging to develop young Joseph’s many talents. Though he faces an uphill battle against racism & bigotry, he becomes a musical marvel but denied proper acknowledgement due to his mulatto background. This is also a star-crossed love story invoking a married woman. The film begins with a stunning dueling banjo type scene involving Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart being upstaged during his Violin Concerto No. 5. The musical numbers are outstanding in this terrific period piece based on a true story.

Alien gives it 3½  “liberté, equalité, fraternité” stars out of 4.

Renfield

Almost everyone has heard of Count Dracula but who knows R.M. Renfield? In Bram Stoker’s 1897 gothic horror novel, he is Dracula’s deranged, fanatically devoted servant & familiar. This is a modern day retelling of the vampire tale but focusing on Renfield (Nicholas Hoult) who has grown tired of his role & is looking for a way to escape this toxic relationship with his narcissistic boss (Nicolas Cage). Renfield is basically a good guy trapped in his situation. He joins a support group but with ulterior motives and comes to understand about what he needs to do. Near the beginning is a nice black & white tribute the old Universal/Bela Lugosi Dracula films to layout the background story. It’s hilarious fun with ultra-violent splotches of blood, ripped apart appendages where heads roll, & bones crushed. Awkwafina plays New Orleans police officer Rebecca Quincy caught in the crossfire between the Lobos crime mob, dirty cops, & the Dark One. Cage dances along a fine line between comedy & horror as he shifts gears in the marvelous performance, although a bit over-the-top. This film was much better than I imagined, but it may not be for everyone’s taste. Will good triumph over evil? Can Rebecca save her FBI sister? Will Drac build an army of super strength henchmen powered by bugs? Will the Count’s reign of terror finally end or will he be back for more biting humor? 

Alien gives it 3 “ant farm” stars out of 4.

Mafia Mamma

An ignored pharmaceutical marketer Kristen (Toni Collette) has her life turning upside down. Then she receives a call from Italy that her grandfather has died & she must come to settle his affairs. Reluctantly, she goes hoping for a nice vacation & to find a little romance in her unhappy life. At the funeral, she learns about the true family business & why she has been estranged from the family. This is a fish-out-of-water story & a spoof of The Godfather/Mafia genre. There are lots of laughs, twists & turns as she becomes head of the family & must deal with her enemies. This becomes a personal growth experience for her. 

Alien gives it 3 “Eat, Pray, & F*ck” stars out of 4.

 Super Mario Bros. Movie

Nintendo’s Italian plumber siblings have come to the big screen. Gamer fans will have a blast as Mario & Luigi try to save Brooklyn, but They end up passing through a magic portal with Mario in the Mushroom Kingdom where he meets Toad, Princess Peach, & Donkey Kong. Meanwhile, Luigi finds himself captured in Bowser’s Darkland. Fans will feel right at home watching Mario vs. Donkey Kong, kart racing, rescuing Peach & Luigi, power bricks & golden coins, and battling Bowser. I’m not a gamer & probably didn’t recognize half of references. But I️ had fun, so check it out for yourself. Look for a mid credit serenade & a post credit Easter egg. Will there be a sequel?

Alien gives it 3 “pet turtle” stars out of 4.

Air

In 1984, Nike was third, behind Adidas & Converse in the basketball shoe business. This is the daring story of Sonny Vaccaro & Nike making a risky gamble to pursue basketball rookie Michael Jordan & revolutionize the world of sports & contemporary culture. Against all the odds, believing in your gut, & never giving up, Sonny (Matt Damon) spearheads the campaign with reluctant support & a lot of resistance. Damon & Ben Affleck are back together again as star & co-star & with Affleck as director. Among the supporting cast is Jason Bateman, Chris Tucker, Marlon Wayans, & Viola Davis. This inspiring film is entertaining to see how the pieces come together & has a fun sense of humor. If you own a pair of Air Jordan’s or you covet them, you’ve got to see how it all began. Summaries & photo appear at the film’s end.

Alien gives it 3 “skateboarding shoe genius” stars out of 4.

Murder Mystery 2

Nick & Audrey Spitz (Adam Sandler & Jennifer Aniston) are back 4 years later running their own unsuccessful private detective agency when they get invited to their old friend the Maharajah’s wedding. Of course, there is murder, mayhem, kidnapping, ransom demand, lots of suspects, & a ton of laughs as our 2 sleuths bumble their way into solving the case. Seeing the original isn’t necessary, but some of the jokes are tied to it. Hang on because it ain’t over until it’s over but this one still leaves the Spitzes hanging. It’s good for lots of laughs as it parodies the murder mystery genre.

Alien gives it 3 “terror at the Eiffel Tower” stars out of 4. 

On a Wing & a Prayer

Suffering another personal family loss, Doug White’s (Dennis Quaid) faith in God is crushed as he & his family board a small private plane to fly home on Easter Sunday after his brother’s funeral. When their pilot suffers a heart attack mid air, they have to pray for a miracle. With the help of many others on the ground & far away, their inspirational story true story is told. Doug must take the controls with his wife’s (Heather Graham) support & assistance to keep him strong even as another medical emergency arises & a storm quickly approaches. The title pretty much tells you what you are going to expect in this religious themed film.

Alien gives it 2½ “November-5-5-Niner-Delta-Whiskey” stars out of 4.

Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.

In 1970, an awkward adolescent 11-year-old Margaret (Abby Ryder Fortson) struggles with moving from New York City away from Grandma Sylvia (Kathy Bates) to a New Jersey suburb when her dad gets a new job. It’s a new house in a new neighborhood with a new school & trying to make new friends. This is a dramatic & humorous coming-of-age story about a six-grade girl’s fears & anxieties about fitting in, brassieres, mensuration, & boys. At her teacher’s suggestion, Margaret explores different religions as her class project. Her mom (Rachel McAdams) is estranged from her devout Christian parents because she married her Jewish husband. This is a honest & funny look at a young girl searching for her identity & wanting to be normal during the 70s. When she is searching for answers, she prays to God in hopes of finding solutions.

Alien gives it 3 “I️ got it” stars out of 4.