Thursday, September 28, 2006
School for Scoundrels
A troubled young man seeks special training from an old mentor and ends up in a competition trying to top his teacher. Hey, didn’t Alien see that plot last night in “The Guardian”.
It’s “Bad Santa” (Billy Bob Thornton) against “Napoleon Dynamite” (Jon Heder) when “Hitch” meets “Benchwarmers” in this remake of the 1960 British comedy featuring Terry Thomas. A wimpy New York meter maid, Rodger, enrolls in a male assertiveness course to help him win over the girl of his dreams. However, he suddenly finds himself in competition with his instructor, Dr. P. Thornton and Heder are fun to watch trying to outwit each other, but the gags are rather predictable. If you like these two actors and physical comedy, you may enjoy this movie, but Alien was only mildly amused.
Alien gives it 1 ½ “can’t make the grade” stars out of 4.
A troubled young man seeks special training from an old mentor and ends up in a competition trying to top his teacher. Hey, didn’t Alien see that plot last night in “The Guardian”.
It’s “Bad Santa” (Billy Bob Thornton) against “Napoleon Dynamite” (Jon Heder) when “Hitch” meets “Benchwarmers” in this remake of the 1960 British comedy featuring Terry Thomas. A wimpy New York meter maid, Rodger, enrolls in a male assertiveness course to help him win over the girl of his dreams. However, he suddenly finds himself in competition with his instructor, Dr. P. Thornton and Heder are fun to watch trying to outwit each other, but the gags are rather predictable. If you like these two actors and physical comedy, you may enjoy this movie, but Alien was only mildly amused.
Alien gives it 1 ½ “can’t make the grade” stars out of 4.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
The Guardian
How long can you tread water?
It’s “Top Gun” meets “Annapolis” meets “The Perfect Storm” in this thrilling and heart-warming story about the Coast Guard search and rescue operations. Two heroes, an aging legendary mentor (Kevin Costner) and a new young recruit (Ashton Kutcher), each has their own haunting problem, but both strive to be the best and to save lives. It’s got daring rescues, grueling basic training, some humor, and a little romance. It’s kind of cliché, but it works for Alien in this feel good movie about courageous efforts. It’s not going to be a great film, but it’s very entertaining and fun to watch. It’s a guilty pleasure for Alien.
Alien gives it 3 ½ “never let go” stars out of 4.
How long can you tread water?
It’s “Top Gun” meets “Annapolis” meets “The Perfect Storm” in this thrilling and heart-warming story about the Coast Guard search and rescue operations. Two heroes, an aging legendary mentor (Kevin Costner) and a new young recruit (Ashton Kutcher), each has their own haunting problem, but both strive to be the best and to save lives. It’s got daring rescues, grueling basic training, some humor, and a little romance. It’s kind of cliché, but it works for Alien in this feel good movie about courageous efforts. It’s not going to be a great film, but it’s very entertaining and fun to watch. It’s a guilty pleasure for Alien.
Alien gives it 3 ½ “never let go” stars out of 4.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Jet Li’s Fearless
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
It’s “Hero” meets “The Last Samurai” in this English subtitled film about real-life martial arts legend Huo Yuanjia (Jet Li) and China in the early 1900s. Huo’s story depicts his arrogance and competitiveness to be the best fighter which leads him to tragedy until he finally learns his lesson in life. Jet Li demonstrates his impressive and amazing martial arts skills against numerous opponents. Besides the terrific fight scenes, the movie features the rich backdrop of China and its culture from city life to country life. For Alien, the experience was reminiscent of watching those old classic Chinese kung fu movies shown Saturday afternoons in the local association hall.
Alien gives it 3 “body, mind, and soul” stars out of 4.
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
It’s “Hero” meets “The Last Samurai” in this English subtitled film about real-life martial arts legend Huo Yuanjia (Jet Li) and China in the early 1900s. Huo’s story depicts his arrogance and competitiveness to be the best fighter which leads him to tragedy until he finally learns his lesson in life. Jet Li demonstrates his impressive and amazing martial arts skills against numerous opponents. Besides the terrific fight scenes, the movie features the rich backdrop of China and its culture from city life to country life. For Alien, the experience was reminiscent of watching those old classic Chinese kung fu movies shown Saturday afternoons in the local association hall.
Alien gives it 3 “body, mind, and soul” stars out of 4.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Open Season
It’s “Over the Hedge” meets “Ice Age” meets “Madagascar” in another animated animal adventure. A domesticated city bear (Martin Lawrence) is led astray by a trouble making deer (Ashton Kutcher), gets returned to the wild just before hunting season begins, must learn to fend for himself, and tries to find his way home pass the hunters. The hunt for laughs is satisfying although you don’t bag your limit. Not much here is original; it is similar to many other animations, but it is still entertaining.
Alien gives it 2 ½ “home sweet home” stars out of 4.
It’s “Over the Hedge” meets “Ice Age” meets “Madagascar” in another animated animal adventure. A domesticated city bear (Martin Lawrence) is led astray by a trouble making deer (Ashton Kutcher), gets returned to the wild just before hunting season begins, must learn to fend for himself, and tries to find his way home pass the hunters. The hunt for laughs is satisfying although you don’t bag your limit. Not much here is original; it is similar to many other animations, but it is still entertaining.
Alien gives it 2 ½ “home sweet home” stars out of 4.
Friday, September 22, 2006
All the King’s Men
This movie is a remake of the 1949 Academy Award winning film of the same name. This film chronicles the rise to power of Willie Stark and the people around him. It has a great cast including Sean Penn, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, James Gandolfini, Patricia Clarkson, and Anthony Hopkins, but their talents are wasted here. Penn seems to be doing a Joe Cocker impersonation. He is loud, but not charismatic enough to be believable. This tale of political corruption is dark, slow, and plodding. Like Stark’s empty promises to his constituents, this movie doesn’t deliver to the audience. You can’t fool this hick, all the king’s men couldn’t put this Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Alien gives it 1 “nail em up” star out of 4.
This movie is a remake of the 1949 Academy Award winning film of the same name. This film chronicles the rise to power of Willie Stark and the people around him. It has a great cast including Sean Penn, Jude Law, Kate Winslet, James Gandolfini, Patricia Clarkson, and Anthony Hopkins, but their talents are wasted here. Penn seems to be doing a Joe Cocker impersonation. He is loud, but not charismatic enough to be believable. This tale of political corruption is dark, slow, and plodding. Like Stark’s empty promises to his constituents, this movie doesn’t deliver to the audience. You can’t fool this hick, all the king’s men couldn’t put this Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Alien gives it 1 “nail em up” star out of 4.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
The Science of Sleep
The title sounds like a PBS documentary studying sleeping disorders, but it is not. It’s a low budget “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” meets “Pee Wee’s Playhouse”. Bizarre would be a good description for this French film, sometimes subtitled, but mostly spoken in English. Much of the film consists of dream sequences existing in the mind of a peculiar man who is attracted to his next door neighbor. These fantasy moments rely heavily on creative, but very crude, non-CGI animations. It’s supposed to be a comedy, but maybe Alien doesn’t understand the French sense of humor. It could be creative art for the pretentious emperors with their new clothes.
Alien gives it 1 ½ “diastology calendar” stars out of 4.
The title sounds like a PBS documentary studying sleeping disorders, but it is not. It’s a low budget “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” meets “Pee Wee’s Playhouse”. Bizarre would be a good description for this French film, sometimes subtitled, but mostly spoken in English. Much of the film consists of dream sequences existing in the mind of a peculiar man who is attracted to his next door neighbor. These fantasy moments rely heavily on creative, but very crude, non-CGI animations. It’s supposed to be a comedy, but maybe Alien doesn’t understand the French sense of humor. It could be creative art for the pretentious emperors with their new clothes.
Alien gives it 1 ½ “diastology calendar” stars out of 4.
Alien Autopsy
Scouting reports on this movie about the 1995 famous faked footage of an alien autopsy came back negative. This film wasn't sure what if wanted to be... a comedy or a drama. It ended up being not very good at being either.
Scouting reports on this movie about the 1995 famous faked footage of an alien autopsy came back negative. This film wasn't sure what if wanted to be... a comedy or a drama. It ended up being not very good at being either.
Haven
Scouting reports on this film starring Orlando Bloom in the Cayman Islands say this was no paradise. This movie was very disjointed and confusing to follow. It sucked. One scout gave it zero stars out of 4.
Scouting reports on this film starring Orlando Bloom in the Cayman Islands say this was no paradise. This movie was very disjointed and confusing to follow. It sucked. One scout gave it zero stars out of 4.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Flyboys
It’s “Top Gun” meets “Dawn Patrol” meets “All Quiet on the Western Front” as misfit Americans volunteer to be fighter pilots for the French during WWI. It’s also shades of “Star Wars” as a young cowboy (James Franco) travels to a distant land where he trains and eventually becomes the leader of a squadron of fighter pilots against the enemy’s massive weapon, the Zeppelin. He has a mentor with a hairy friend and a nemesis called the Black Falcon. Add in a little pointless romance for the damsel in distress. The spectacular aerial dogfights are the best parts of the film.
Alien gives it 2 ½ “Viva Le Lafayette Escadrille” stars out of 4.
It’s “Top Gun” meets “Dawn Patrol” meets “All Quiet on the Western Front” as misfit Americans volunteer to be fighter pilots for the French during WWI. It’s also shades of “Star Wars” as a young cowboy (James Franco) travels to a distant land where he trains and eventually becomes the leader of a squadron of fighter pilots against the enemy’s massive weapon, the Zeppelin. He has a mentor with a hairy friend and a nemesis called the Black Falcon. Add in a little pointless romance for the damsel in distress. The spectacular aerial dogfights are the best parts of the film.
Alien gives it 2 ½ “Viva Le Lafayette Escadrille” stars out of 4.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Gridiron Gang
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
Are you ready for some football? It’s “Boys from the Hood” meets “The Longest Yard” meets “Coach Carter” at a juvenile correction facility in this real life inspired film. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is terrific as the man who believes he can change the system and the lives of some troubled kids. He uses football to change how these boys think of themselves. This movie uses every sentimental and inspirational gimmick to tug at your heart strings. As a feel good movie, it works for Alien. Expect some gang banging with your hard hitting football. Stay through the closing credits to meet the real coach and the delinquents delivering their real words that were incorporated into the movie. There is no “gang” in “team”. Go Mustangs!
Alien gives it 3 ½ “you got to have heart” stars out of 4.
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
Are you ready for some football? It’s “Boys from the Hood” meets “The Longest Yard” meets “Coach Carter” at a juvenile correction facility in this real life inspired film. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is terrific as the man who believes he can change the system and the lives of some troubled kids. He uses football to change how these boys think of themselves. This movie uses every sentimental and inspirational gimmick to tug at your heart strings. As a feel good movie, it works for Alien. Expect some gang banging with your hard hitting football. Stay through the closing credits to meet the real coach and the delinquents delivering their real words that were incorporated into the movie. There is no “gang” in “team”. Go Mustangs!
Alien gives it 3 ½ “you got to have heart” stars out of 4.
Friday, September 15, 2006
The Black Dahlia
Detectives investigate the mysterious death of an aspiring film star in yesteryear’s Hollywoodland. Hey, didn’t Alien review that movie last night.
Aaron Eckhart and Josh Hartnett play two detectives trying to figure out who killed Elizabeth Short, nicknamed the Black Dahlia, in this noir gumshoe tale directed by Brian De Palma. The notorious unsolved murder case is real, but this movie fictionalizes a resolution to the mystery. The characters and the sets really catch your eye. Scarlett Johansson and Hilary Swank play the passionate femme fatales. There are some surprising twists and turns; so pay attention to all of the clues before you even know they are clues. The movie reads like a good detective novel filled with fascinating characters and an intriguing puzzle to solve.
Alien gives it 3 “fire and ice” stars out of 4.
Detectives investigate the mysterious death of an aspiring film star in yesteryear’s Hollywoodland. Hey, didn’t Alien review that movie last night.
Aaron Eckhart and Josh Hartnett play two detectives trying to figure out who killed Elizabeth Short, nicknamed the Black Dahlia, in this noir gumshoe tale directed by Brian De Palma. The notorious unsolved murder case is real, but this movie fictionalizes a resolution to the mystery. The characters and the sets really catch your eye. Scarlett Johansson and Hilary Swank play the passionate femme fatales. There are some surprising twists and turns; so pay attention to all of the clues before you even know they are clues. The movie reads like a good detective novel filled with fascinating characters and an intriguing puzzle to solve.
Alien gives it 3 “fire and ice” stars out of 4.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Hollywoodland
This is not a sneak preview. This movie has already released.
Beginning with the mysterious death of George Reeves (Ben Affleck) in 1959, a fictitious private detective, Louis Simo (Adrien Brody), explores possible theories other than suicide. Alien loved the look of the fifties created in the movie and the inside look at television’s Superman. However, the film seems to drag on really slowly. As if there wasn’t enough material to work with here, this bio pic is padded with two alternate causes of death involving a fiancée (Robin Tunney) and a mistress (Diane Lane) as well as the Simo’s personal story and one of his concurrent cases. What’s slower than a speeding snail and duller than a pair of kiddie scissors… it’s Hollywoodland.
Alien gives it 2 “many stories in one” stars out of 4.
This is not a sneak preview. This movie has already released.
Beginning with the mysterious death of George Reeves (Ben Affleck) in 1959, a fictitious private detective, Louis Simo (Adrien Brody), explores possible theories other than suicide. Alien loved the look of the fifties created in the movie and the inside look at television’s Superman. However, the film seems to drag on really slowly. As if there wasn’t enough material to work with here, this bio pic is padded with two alternate causes of death involving a fiancée (Robin Tunney) and a mistress (Diane Lane) as well as the Simo’s personal story and one of his concurrent cases. What’s slower than a speeding snail and duller than a pair of kiddie scissors… it’s Hollywoodland.
Alien gives it 2 “many stories in one” stars out of 4.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
The Last Kiss
It's "Garden State" meets "Men Behaving Badly". Alien expected it to be your typical romantic/comedy chick flick, but it’s not really. It’s more of a dramedy about men who get scared about commitment. Told more from a male perspective, it’s more light-hearted serious and sad than funny. The men act like the idiots they are and end up making bad choices when they can’t handle their relationships. It stars Zach Braff (behaving like a bad puppy, but still adorable), Jacinda Barrett, Casey Affleck (Ben’s younger brother), Rachel Bilson (Summer from the O.C.) with Blythe Danner (Gwyneth’s mom and Apple’s grandma) and Tom Wilkinson. Rated “R” for language, sexuality, and nudity. If you like Zach's antics, you'll probably enjoy this movie.
Alien gives it 2 “confused and scared in Madison, Wisconsin” stars out of 4.
It's "Garden State" meets "Men Behaving Badly". Alien expected it to be your typical romantic/comedy chick flick, but it’s not really. It’s more of a dramedy about men who get scared about commitment. Told more from a male perspective, it’s more light-hearted serious and sad than funny. The men act like the idiots they are and end up making bad choices when they can’t handle their relationships. It stars Zach Braff (behaving like a bad puppy, but still adorable), Jacinda Barrett, Casey Affleck (Ben’s younger brother), Rachel Bilson (Summer from the O.C.) with Blythe Danner (Gwyneth’s mom and Apple’s grandma) and Tom Wilkinson. Rated “R” for language, sexuality, and nudity. If you like Zach's antics, you'll probably enjoy this movie.
Alien gives it 2 “confused and scared in Madison, Wisconsin” stars out of 4.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
The Descent (Explored Again)
Alien finally followed the trail markers left by his advanced scouts on this already released and reviewed adventure/horror film.
Deep in the Appalachian Mountains, “Deliverance” travels down a deep cave hole for six good-looking, risk-taking, macho girls as they encounter a cave-in and the local denizens of the dark. There are no men featured in this film, but these females are loaded with plenty of testosterone. The cave scenes are magnificently lit by flashlight, helmet light, flare, chem-light, infrared light, and torch. As desperation, paranoia, and terror set in, you start to imagine creepy creatures jumping out at you behind every dark shadow. If you like blood and gore and a good scare, you might enjoy this intense thrill ride.
Alien gives it 3 “blood-thirsty, wall-crawler” stars out of 4.
Alien finally followed the trail markers left by his advanced scouts on this already released and reviewed adventure/horror film.
Deep in the Appalachian Mountains, “Deliverance” travels down a deep cave hole for six good-looking, risk-taking, macho girls as they encounter a cave-in and the local denizens of the dark. There are no men featured in this film, but these females are loaded with plenty of testosterone. The cave scenes are magnificently lit by flashlight, helmet light, flare, chem-light, infrared light, and torch. As desperation, paranoia, and terror set in, you start to imagine creepy creatures jumping out at you behind every dark shadow. If you like blood and gore and a good scare, you might enjoy this intense thrill ride.
Alien gives it 3 “blood-thirsty, wall-crawler” stars out of 4.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Everyone’s Hero
It’s “Sandlot” meets “Polar Express” meets “The Babe Ruth Story” in this animated film by Christopher and Dana Reeve. Yankee Irving is the kid who that is always picked last when choosing up teams. He is also a huge fan of Babe Ruth and the New York Yankees. During the 1932 World Series between the Cubs and the Yankees, the Babe’s lucky bat is stolen and Yankee Irving must try to retrieve and return it to the Babe. His quest takes him on an exciting adventure and ends with him living the dream of many young boys. This charming movie is terrific family entertainment.
Alien gives it 3 “keep on swinging” stars out of 4.
It’s “Sandlot” meets “Polar Express” meets “The Babe Ruth Story” in this animated film by Christopher and Dana Reeve. Yankee Irving is the kid who that is always picked last when choosing up teams. He is also a huge fan of Babe Ruth and the New York Yankees. During the 1932 World Series between the Cubs and the Yankees, the Babe’s lucky bat is stolen and Yankee Irving must try to retrieve and return it to the Babe. His quest takes him on an exciting adventure and ends with him living the dream of many young boys. This charming movie is terrific family entertainment.
Alien gives it 3 “keep on swinging” stars out of 4.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Snakes on a Plane
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
It's the red eye, blue plate, diamond back disaster special served extra cheesy. If you are afraid of flying and you are afraid of snakes, this action thriller may not be for you. With such a title, you may expect this movie to be campy, but for the most part, it is played straight up with a few tongue-in-cheek incidents. The bad guy tries to kill a federally protected witness aboard a plane enroute to testify against him. Expect snakes galore, crawling, squeezing, and biting the passengers all over. It can be fun to watch if you are mood for this fright flight. This internet popularized film seems to be destined to be a cult classic and maybe a guilty pleasure for you.
Alien gives it 3 "snake bitten feeding frenzy" stars out of 4.
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
It's the red eye, blue plate, diamond back disaster special served extra cheesy. If you are afraid of flying and you are afraid of snakes, this action thriller may not be for you. With such a title, you may expect this movie to be campy, but for the most part, it is played straight up with a few tongue-in-cheek incidents. The bad guy tries to kill a federally protected witness aboard a plane enroute to testify against him. Expect snakes galore, crawling, squeezing, and biting the passengers all over. It can be fun to watch if you are mood for this fright flight. This internet popularized film seems to be destined to be a cult classic and maybe a guilty pleasure for you.
Alien gives it 3 "snake bitten feeding frenzy" stars out of 4.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Step Up (revisited)
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released and reviewed by my scouts last month.
It’s “Stick It” meets “Take the Lead” meets “Fame” as a hip hop boy meets ballet girl. A boy from the hood must do community service at a school for the arts and ends up in the big showcase dance number. Although this romance movie is fairly predictable, the main characters and the dance numbers are fun to watch. You'll be rooting for the happy ending.
Alien gives it 3 “never give up” stars out of 4.
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released and reviewed by my scouts last month.
It’s “Stick It” meets “Take the Lead” meets “Fame” as a hip hop boy meets ballet girl. A boy from the hood must do community service at a school for the arts and ends up in the big showcase dance number. Although this romance movie is fairly predictable, the main characters and the dance numbers are fun to watch. You'll be rooting for the happy ending.
Alien gives it 3 “never give up” stars out of 4.
Accepted
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
It’s “Ferris Bueller” goes to college as bunch of losers figure out how to be winners. When a high school senior doesn’t get accepted at any colleges, he decides to invent one to fool his parents. What he doesn’t count on is hundreds of other college rejected applicants showing up at his fake school too. Comedy ensues at South Harmon Institute of Technology as the lie gets bigger and bigger.
Alien gives it 2 “back to school” stars out of 4.
This is not a sneak preview. This film has already released.
It’s “Ferris Bueller” goes to college as bunch of losers figure out how to be winners. When a high school senior doesn’t get accepted at any colleges, he decides to invent one to fool his parents. What he doesn’t count on is hundreds of other college rejected applicants showing up at his fake school too. Comedy ensues at South Harmon Institute of Technology as the lie gets bigger and bigger.
Alien gives it 2 “back to school” stars out of 4.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
The Protector
It’s “Ong Bak Warrior” meets “Dumbo” in this martial arts movie about rescuing stolen elephants. Tony Jaa is back and is even more amazing. He has speed, power, agility, grace, and great leaping ability. The film is partly subtitled and partly dubbed. The movie has elephants, gangsters, dirty cops, giants, and an evil dragon lady. Don’t expect much from the plot or from the acting. However, the fight sequences are spectacular. Watch for the x-gamers attack, the struggle on the long staircase, the fight in fire and water, the clash with the titans, and the endless bone crunchers battle. Along the way, Tony pays tribute to Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee. If you like martial arts, you’ll love this one. This film was released overseas in 2005, but it is new to the States.
Alien gives it 2 ½ “Spiderman/Flash/Batman without the computer graphic tricks” stars out of 4.
It’s “Ong Bak Warrior” meets “Dumbo” in this martial arts movie about rescuing stolen elephants. Tony Jaa is back and is even more amazing. He has speed, power, agility, grace, and great leaping ability. The film is partly subtitled and partly dubbed. The movie has elephants, gangsters, dirty cops, giants, and an evil dragon lady. Don’t expect much from the plot or from the acting. However, the fight sequences are spectacular. Watch for the x-gamers attack, the struggle on the long staircase, the fight in fire and water, the clash with the titans, and the endless bone crunchers battle. Along the way, Tony pays tribute to Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee. If you like martial arts, you’ll love this one. This film was released overseas in 2005, but it is new to the States.
Alien gives it 2 ½ “Spiderman/Flash/Batman without the computer graphic tricks” stars out of 4.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Crank
It’s a coarse and less sophisticated “Transporter” on speed. Chevy Chelios (Jason Statham) is a professional hit man who has been poisoned. With only one hour to live, he must rescue his girlfriend, find the antidote, and kill the bad guys. The movie has gory violence, a multitude of drugs, wild sex, and those f***ing words. It is a “you got to see it to believe it” kind of film and then, you’ll either love it or hate it. In the beginning, Alien was getting annoyed by the dizzying film edits, but as the movie became more tongue-in-cheek, it started to grow on Alien. It is a surprising and unique film experience with unexpected humor. It is not a true classic action thriller, but still it is a wild ride.
Alien gives it 2 ½ “hypo-injected adrenalin rush” stars out of 4.
It’s a coarse and less sophisticated “Transporter” on speed. Chevy Chelios (Jason Statham) is a professional hit man who has been poisoned. With only one hour to live, he must rescue his girlfriend, find the antidote, and kill the bad guys. The movie has gory violence, a multitude of drugs, wild sex, and those f***ing words. It is a “you got to see it to believe it” kind of film and then, you’ll either love it or hate it. In the beginning, Alien was getting annoyed by the dizzying film edits, but as the movie became more tongue-in-cheek, it started to grow on Alien. It is a surprising and unique film experience with unexpected humor. It is not a true classic action thriller, but still it is a wild ride.
Alien gives it 2 ½ “hypo-injected adrenalin rush” stars out of 4.
